I guess you could say that hold myself to a soaring standard. There is this innate drive inside of me, a desire, no a longing to be better. Not just better but, more intelligent, more in-tune, more active, more helpful, better looking, better feeling, better... better... better In this search for perfection, I am able to accomplish much. However, I rarely feel good enough.

have you ever had that shoulder angel/devil convo in your head? 

No? oh-hoh then, Let me enlighten you.

"Just look at them Alissa. You can't even compete."

"I don't have to. Life isn't a competition."

"If it's not a competition then what is it?"

"Life is life. it is wonderful and great and I have been so blessed."

"But Alissa, just look.... Why don't you have that? 

Why don't you look like that? 

Why don't you..."

a guilty peer and a shaking of the head follow.

In those moments when I am battling the world's expectations and my own personal standards of excellence, I feel lost, alone. And I that feeling of letting others down. I hate showing weakness because that makes me feel as if I am not living up to that standard that I expect myself to reach; perfection. And thats when I have got to just close my eyes, take a deep breath, and remind myself that all is not as it seems. The only person I have to appease is the One who'll love me regardless of my faults, shortcomings, worries, judgements, stumbling, doubts. and mistakes.

So I guess I best be about trying my best to forget trying to appease anyone but Him and jump into a bath of colorful balls in the middle of campus with your Brazilian buddy just because you can and be thankful.

I guess part of life is Learning to see through the Lords lenses and not the worlds spectacles.

In trying times, try this.
Posted by The New Era Magazine on Saturday, July 18, 2015