It's easy to get lost in a sea of newness;
I mean we're talking a new title, a new workspace, a new living space (with very little natural light), a new dresser and desk and unfamiliar things filling the space, new social circles, a new social identity, not being able to attend church in the same way, not being able to go to the temple, a new person close to me, other people far from me... you get the picture.
For me, it is crucial to have people and places to remind me of who I am, what I love about myself, and that I am worthy, but most especially during transient times. By nature I am a people pleaser, I listen to people and try to understand them, I try to help them, and cater to their needs... sometimes so much that I forget what is mine and what is theirs. It's not all the time, but it is enough that being around people 24/7 makes it harder to hold on to who I am, and be confident in that.
I worry if there is something wrong with me because I am different / have different opinions than people around me. I know, I know... there is nothing "wrong" with being different than people. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE. That is normal. But sometimes I worry, regardless. It is human to want to be accepted and loved, and it is hard to be seen in vulnerable states because we fear rejection and not to be loved or accepted or wanted.
That is why it is crucial to have people and places to remind us of who we are, what we love about ourselves, and that it is OK.
IT IS OK to have hard and deep emotions, it's OK to process differently from each other,
it's OK to have opinions and share them openly,
it's OK if they are different then other people's,
it's OK to cry when you hear or see something beautiful,
it's OK to feel stressed in social situations,
it's OK to feel worried if you are doing everything right,
it's OK to need alone time,
it's OK to like silence,
it's Ok to feel overwhelmed by emotions, or feel like you are not always in the driver seat
it's OK to dream about going places,
it's OK to have a tendency to want to change things when you are uncomfortable,
it's OK to compare yourself with others (that's normal and I haven't learned how to stop yet)
It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you or I.
It is OK to own who we are, and love who we are, and not feel like we have to change all the time to be "good enough." Progress is good, of course. But right now, who you are is good too. And with God's grace, it is more than enough.
This is turning into a bit of a word onslaught, I know. But this is a safe space to just release my thoughts! That way they don't have to live in my head and eat up my mind endlessly.
Ok, thanks for tuning in. BYE.
