Normally I am not a Hater
I consider myself to be a pacifist. Not one that prances around waving “world peace” banners under people's noses, but one of the select under-cover pacifists. Few actually know we exist; for we pride ourselves on invisibility. We don’t need credit; having one accept our standpoint as fact is glory enough. And yet, today I am compelled to tackle one of those telling problems like a bull confronting a whipping mahogany muleta; intently and most likely unsuccessfully. I am not expert at this approach, I'm a pro at undercover, not wide coverage.
The pressure we feel as BYU students to be wed quickly and happily is overwhelming. We feel like patients in starch white rooms being poked and prodded by needles and questions. “Who are you dating?” “Why are you not married yet?” “But you are so (insert quality here), how could you not be married?!” “You’re already 21! better get on that before all the good one’s are gone.” I call it subliminal drowning,his refers to the subconscious messages which imply something without saying it straight-up. These questions which are posed in newspapers, ads, banners, facebook groups, friends, social trends, - are extremely detrimental because they are vague, generalized, painful and can leave the receiver in a quandary wondering what the answer to that question is. When you throw these questions in the faces of perfectionists, it leaves them gasping for air, thrashing about, vainly trying to fulfill others hopes, and answer the unanswerable.
How many BYU students have fallen victim to this bombardment of expectations; jumped into white frilled peacock dresses, and then months later… find themselves in an abusive relationship or with someone who’s addicted to porn or drugs? We are blinded by our culture into thinking if we are not hitched by twenty, there is something wrong with us.
Let’s just make our lives easier for each other. Let’s cease to point fingers and intrusive questions; which yield nothing but empty guilt and self-worth crisis’ and talk about something a bit more engaging for a change; like the refugee influx in Germany, or new ice-cream flavors to suggest for the BYU creamery -or even better- how to actually trust the Lord enough to trust in His timing, rather than fighting it.
Silently Yours,
Alissa Mitchell
