1. I am faced with an abnormal amount of opportunities to meet menfolk out here in Utah.
2. I absolutely abhor "leading 'em on". (I will never EVER intentionally give someone the impression I like them, if I do not.)
Now that these facts are established, I would like to consider a question: What happens if I honestly don't know how I feel about someone? Should I slice them out of my life simply because I do not have deep feelings for them yet–and move on? Or should I meander about hoping that my feelings will mold or change with time and as trust is developed? I am still in an abyss of thought wondering on this. Shouldn't something that's right... feel right from the start? Or is situation totally dependent on timing?
I told minha mai that I feel like a ping-pong ball sometimes– being hit violently back and forth across a game table. As if surrounded by voices telling me to make choices that I don't want to make, I force myself to focus, take control of my life and not make any rash decisions. Most people complain of not having enough dates. Honestly, I think I could be just as happy without them. Perhaps I sin in believing and wishing so... I should be more grateful.
Life is full of unexplored territory and unearthed feeling. It is thick with opportunity and experiences. Life is my adventure and my companion is My God. Isn't that just GRAND in and of itself? Yes, I would love a family of my own, Yes, I would love to have crazy little kids and a loud fuzzy dog for a pillow– but there ain't no way I am going to wander about waiting for that. And so I goal snd I work towards things that I've always wanted to achieve. And Make something of ME.
aka; learning how to handstand, do a split, preparing to run a marathon, learning how to play guitar, making time to do videography/ photography on the side for friends, learning how to make some beastly healthy recipes, finding ways to serve others and help the Sisters around me, writing this blog, becoming a total indie music geek, learning how to lift from my cousin #swol, and how to communicate better.
