September 9, 2013

Here are the first brazilian missionaries I met! I absolutely adore them. and they taught me how to say, "Sleep with the little angels." 

 So....I owe them a whole lot.

Oh yeah that is me and a huge crane made out of paper. 

We found it walking home. in the middle of the rua. heh heh

OLAAAAA friends and family and everybody! 
ONWARD AND UPWARD LOVES
The beautiful Brazil 

The days are starting to fall faster and faster! And I am falling in love with this place. Each house here has its own personality and its own brilliant color- Rochester houses don’t even compare to the variety of we see here. heh believe it or not. 

 This week was huge. I ate my first fruit off of a tree. Yup. Blackberry tree I think? Not really sure. Hopefully I don’t get sick. 

And another monumental thing? I have been converted to Pao com queso. Seriously. Anything other than cheese sandwiches (you should know-we eat them for breakfast and dinner) seems to make me giddy with pure happiness.

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU AND SO LITTLE TIME. Uhm. Okay. How do I put it in words. ... I can not explain it... it’s as if... it’s like this... okay you know how things often are tough your first weeks? Well, that is an understatement. Brilliant understatement.. the depth of absolute sorrow was deeper than I had ever before felt.

I can’t explain all of the factors that went into this horrible scene. But I was losing all of me... Mmmm words... I was not being able to teach well with my companion, I was not enjoying any minute of Brazil, My whole mind was just being clogged up in unsurity, darkness, a hopelessness I never experienced before. Days upon days of just sinking deeper and deeper, and no matter what I did, it seemed as if nothing was getting better... And... It got to the point where I was venturing into unfamiliar darkness... to the point where I just. I wanted to leave. And then It got to the point where I couldn't go anywhere because I was so deep in this darkness I didn't know where anywhere was. I literally couldn't do it anymore. I fell to my knees, 

 I honestly can’t explain those prayers, but I can say I have never before prayed to God with as much earnest pleading before. I never cried to him with all the energy of my heart. I never had to. 

It was as if someone found me right there and simply held out a hand of grace. I grabbed desperately. But truly, that hand found me. And began to lead me through the darkness. And all too soon, I was in a new... beautiful field. Never before explored territory. It was not me who got me there.

I know it.

Whoever is reading this. Pray to be humble. Pray for the love of God. Not only to feel it, but to HAVE it. I can not explain the difference in me. That divine love for others. There is absolutely nothing that compares. Pray for charity, plead with all your soul and it will flood in (Moroni7:26, 3 Nephi 18:20) Plead for that love, that charity, that disposition With all humility desire and faith. It comes. It comes through the spirit to our souls. I can not explain how my disposition changed. But it is as if someone literally changed my outlook on things... I didn't even know that was possible. My love and understanding for my companion and the people here.

You must realize it was not my will originally, things had gotten so dark so fast, I honestly just wanted to go home. But after I plead for the desire to love, after I plead for the desire to change. Only after the desire I could pray for the understanding and love. Only after I was sufficiently humbled did it come. Like a breath of slow fresh perspective and strength it came. And now I am somehow different. 

It seems as if after muddling through the dark, you realize how glorious light truly is.

NEXT LIFE CHANGING THING! whabam. 

Portuguese. I still speak and understand only bits and pieces. But the vital parts I get and you know a real interesting thing? How I can feel things now. How when someone is explaining something to me I can feel their desires and feelings without understanding words. 

Here, and example for yah. I was teaching the Atonement to an old member. I couldn't understand his words, and I am sure he couldn't understand mine. But I shared scriptures and testified with my whole soul. I looked at him and could feel his strength and his spirit. How this devout soul was trapped in a body. But his soul. Oh I can’t explain the connection through the spirit. But for a second BAHHH WORDS. I can’t... mmm... his strength was tangible.. and the spirit was testifying to all of us. Tears came of course. But when we left, he stood in that doorway watching until we were out of sight. and I just I was filled with this inexplicable soul changing love.

Okay the last quick thing I have been realizing, is how all of this, all of the good parts and qualities I have. IT IS NOT ME. All of the good that I have been giving. All of this work, this gospel... it is burning with the print of the Creator. People can’t help but notice something is different. The spirit that abides with those called and worthy. And I just can’t seem to build up enough ways and thanks to adequately thank God. 

It is a bit strange walking down run-down streets, having a bar at your right and on the corner of the street. Being surrounded by sad people, depression, and misfortune. And then feeling the light. Especially when others feel the light. Recognize the spirit. Oh how wonderfully beautiful AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 

As I said :) things are picking up around here. The drip drops are beginning to fall harder. I am getting in the wing of things, learning crazy fast, and loving this. 

Running into my love Sister Solano :)

My first diviçâo!